The alternate Santa poem!

[tr7v8]

'Twas the night before Christmas an' Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list,
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole bloody works!

I've worked off my arse for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches 'cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and screwed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS,
And just when I thought that things must get better
The bloody Inland Revenue sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?

And the kids these days-they're all the pits,
They want the impossible - the mean little shits,
I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...their arms, legs and heads
In all the letters I received, not one asked for them,
They want robots and computers...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my arse and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year - now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!!!!!!

[Rev. Roland]

The guy only works one day a year and he's just moans

[lindsayhbrown]

its getting near the time for the santa joke, why doesn't santa have any kids ? cos he only comes once a year and thats down the chimney