Porsche Enthusiasts Club Forum

It is currently Tue Jul 01, 2025 1:12 pm
Classic Line Insurance


All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Passport Application
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:04 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 10:26 am
Posts: 76
Location: Brackley, Northants
TIPEC membership: 5163
This was actually taken from a UK passport application and a member of staff copied it,
as it made her laugh all day.



Subject: Passport Application



Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

_________________
Brian

Boxster 2.5 1999
Nissan Note (The runaround!!)


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Passport Application
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:23 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 10:55 pm
Posts: 1337
Location: Loughborough, Leics.
TIPEC membership: 4623
If only it weren't so true !! :lol: :lol:

_________________
1982 911 SC, Guards Red
2000 Boxster, Arena Red, Savanna Leather interior, 2.5 Tip S GONE


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Passport Application
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 8:20 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 11:33 am
Posts: 1484
Location: The New Forest
TIPEC membership: 928
Skype ID: andrew.fenwick928
Brilliant..................and I usd to live in Salisbury - But It Wasn't Me - :D :D

_________________
All the best
Andrew





928 S4 1991 White/Grey
Cayenne GTS 2009 Black/Black
http://www.holidayhomes4u.com


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Passport Application
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:59 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:43 pm
Posts: 12836
Location: Chatham, Kent
TIPEC membership: 4190
So painfully true I'm sad to say :roll: :roll:

_________________
Jim

http://tipec.net/region_southeastlondon.php

2018 Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV
2005 Porsche Cayenne S SOLD
2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee SOLD
2010 Mazda MX5 Mk3.5 2.0 Sport Tech SOLD
2000 Porsche Boxster S SOLD
1987 Porsche 944
2019 Abarth 595C


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Passport Application
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:06 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 9:20 pm
Posts: 5427
Location: Tamworth
TIPEC membership: 4260
:lol: :lol: , but oh so true !!

_________________
1986 911 Supersport in Silver (the new red).
2023 Hyundai Tucson in dark grey.
2014 Mazda 2, ZOOM ZOOM, its the wifeys, honest !


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group