A police officer pulls me over for speeding
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
I said, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting me wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, I looked over at me wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector on the dash went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, I groweld at me wife and says through clenched teeth, 'F%*#k it, woman, can't you keep your fuckkin mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic 75 pound fine.'
So I says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
My Chuffin wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket I turns to the wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut the fuck up??'
The officer looks over at her and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
She says;
'Only when he's pissed and snorted too much cocaine officer.
