Londoner moves to Scotland "This had me in stiches"

David924S · **Posted:** Fri Jan 22, 2010 9:51 am

Apologies for the bad language!!! be warned

The Diary of a Londoner living in the Scottish Highlands.

OUR FIRST WINTER

19th December
It started to snow today! The first of the season, and the very first we
have seen for years.
The wife and I took our hot toddies out onto the porch and watched the
fluffy soft snowflakes gently drift from the sky, leaving a twinkling
diamond-like dusting on the trees and the law. It is so beautiful and
peaceful here.

20th December
We awoke delighted to find a beautiful blanket of crystal white
glistening snow covering the land as far as the eye can see.
What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush is now adorned with a lovely
mystical cotton wool covering, sparkling as if sent from heaven itself.

24th December
I shovelled now for the first time ever today and loved it! I cleared
both our driveway and the whole of the pavement outside our house and
the house next door.
Later on, a snowplough came past and accidentally covered up our
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver gave a big wave
and smiled as he went past, I waved back and then shovelled the driveway
clear again.
The children next door built a snowman, with coal for its eyes and a
carrot for its nose, they then had a snowball fight. A couple of
snowballs just missed me and hit the car, I threw a couple back and
joined in the fun.

26th December
It snowed an additional 5inches last night and the temperature dropped
to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes have
snapped due to the weight of the snow.
I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came
by and did the same trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish
grey.

2nd. January
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon turned
into ice as the temperature dropped again.
Bought snow tyres for both cars.
Fell on my arse in the driveway and went to casualty, luckily nothing
broken!

6th January
Still cold! Had another 8 inches of white shite last night.
Sold the wife's car the other day and bought a 4x4 to get her to work.
She slid into a wall and caused considerable damage to the right wing.
Both the vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush.
The bastard snowplough came by twice today! Where's the bloody shovel?

9th January
More fucking snow! Not a tree or a bush on our property that hasn't been
damaged. Power off most of the twating night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and paraffin heater,
spilt some fucking paraffin and nearly torched the house!
Managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns to my
hands, and lost all of my eyebrows and eyelashes.
Car hit a fucking deer on the way to casualty and was written off.

13th January
The Fucking bastard white stuff keeps coming down! Have to put on every
article of clothing just to go to the postbox.
The little bastards next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way
back. I'll shove that carrot so far up that little pricks arse, it'll
take a surgeon hours to find it!
If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough, I'll rip open
his chest and chew out his heart with my teeth!
I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shovelling. He then accelerates down the street like Michael fucking
Schumacher and buries the bastard drive again!

17th January
Sixteen more fucking inches of fucking snow, fucking ice, fucking sleet
and God knows whatever other white shite fell last night. Can't move my
fucking toes, its so cold.
I'm due in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver
with an ice pick
Haven't seen the sun for five weeks. Minus 20degrees, and more fucking
snow forecast!!!

20th January
Fuck this!! We're moving back to London.