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Some good ones!
https://forums.tipec.net/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=21404		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  allanjenkins [ Thu May 12, 2016 9:32 am ]
Post subject:  Some good ones!
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Nearly had sex with a ladyboy last night.
Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman.
Danced like a woman.
Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he
reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!
That's when I thought - Hang on just a minute!
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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm, bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward, init?"
"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.
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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?
"No, just here for a few days."
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's
funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and
mutters, "Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay", as she likes to call it.
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After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus
were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel
a lot better.
So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered - the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30.
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"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church - but not in a Mexican prison.
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I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a man sneaking through next door's garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.
He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished, I got back into bed.
My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."
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