Porsche Enthusiasts Club Forum

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.


What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.


Why are men like commercials?

You can't believe a word they say.


Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.


Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.


What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

Sex


What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

When the power goes off.


What do men and women have in common?

They both distrust men.


What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife is good at picking out clothes.


How is a man like the weather?

Nothing can be done to change either one of them.


What is the difference between a man and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.


What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.


Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?

Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.


What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?

Slow.


What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

They're married.


What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?

An insurance company.


Why don't men often show their true feelings?

Because they don't have any.


Why do men have a hole in their penis?

So oxygen can get to their brains.


What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?

A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

Castrated.


What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.


What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

made me chuckle.....mostly true!

I've started to use these jokes as replies to messages I receive on my internet dating site.
especially:

Why are men like commercials?

You can't believe a word they say


I wonder if this will work?

Some big brother / grumpy old man advice Kat - you're not going to meet the man of your dreams on the internet. The internet dating thing is full of women looking for love.... and men looking for sex and money.

You're more likely to meet him in a supermarket, although saying that - and I don't make up stories.....

This mature busty blonde I know, who we'll call Wendy because that's her name, was loading dog food into the boot of her RX7 convertible when a man approached her and said "I just have to take you to dinner". So a couple of dates followed, she was even keen to introduce him to me as the new man in her life, and then the inevitable happened and he started staying over with her. Some time later they were lying in bed when he said "I have a confession to make", and went on with "I want to live life as a woman (implied dress as one, act as one etc), but I still want to have sex with women". I could never understand it, but is that a lesbian transvestite? Anyway, that was the last time she saw him! Just for the record, he was / is a well respected solicitor who has his own practice in a Cheshire town south of Manchester.... each to his own I suppose.

Sorry, I digress, back to the point - ditch the internet dating and be patient. In fact, just for you I'm going to start a thread 'How I met my partner' - there could be some good stories on there as I'm sure everybody has one to tell, and very few will have met on the internet. I'll use 'partner' in the title so as to accommodate all genders - single, married, gay, lesbian - even lesbian transvestites...... and any others I may have missed out! You may draw some comfort from such a thread and think "If that grumpy get met someone then I'm sure I'll be alright".

Unfortunately there are not enough girls on this site to give a balanced amount of stories for you.

Good luck with your search.... and choose your supermarket carefully

Thanks for the advice but I don't really go to supermarkets anymore. I've turned into a recluse and I just stay in on my laptop and occassionally I meet guys for dates, who...I have no idea if they are trustworthy or not, the same as the woman who met the guy in the supermarket I suppose. I think he would be classed as a hetrosexual transvestite. Erm, although I did go out with a guy recently who owns a Cayman, now come on...that's quality isn't it? or is that an extension? I'm useless at gauging men anyway and I usually get it wrong all the time. The one person I got right was when I was 16, we were together for 7 years and engaged but I broke it up because we were too young and we didn't really have any idea what we were doing and we didn't have any future plans. Plus I wanted to go to Australia to travel.

Are you suggesting I dress up and wear heels etc if and when I go to the supermarket?

Had to laugh at some of those..... Although I did meet my current partner on a dating site.......

No, even if that's what the bloke in the story wanted to do

ha ha, very funny. I know I might like working on my car..getting covered in grease etc but I am female not a transvestite.

The best Bond book I read was Goldfinger when Bond turned Pussy's ideas around about chaps.
It was so touching and inspiring..

If you PM me Kat I'm sure I could inspire you with kinder thoughts about men!

Who knows, we might even end up putting in a new water pump for the car together. I have of course done more DIY than Bond ever did, but it does seem to involve more than 2 bolts..

On second thoughts, after what I was told today, you seem to have some men spot on.
I'll PM you.

The problem is not necessarily men, but maybe her expectations of men.

The additional problem is the double edged sword of a womans psychology which is hardwired to desire the "bad man" even though their logic yearns for a good man... Which is why they are often disappointed, pass on the good man and end up complaining about the bad boys they date... A sad and impossible situation for millions of people.

Men on the other hand are hard wired to want a woman who is dirty in the bedroom, a nurturing woman elsewhere, who's friends think is cool and our mothers will think is sensible.. Another impossible and sad situation.

The science and psychology of attraction is a really interesting subject that I have studied for years and ironically only just figured out once I got passed being bothered with the practice anymore! lol

Choosing a partner is probably one's most important decision in life (apart from deciding to go it alone). I think it pays to be particular and confident about a partner prior to making a commitment...in order to avoid heartbreak further down the line

I find that most women want a bloke like me, but unfortunately for them I'm already taken.

It made me laugh anyway.....

Well, I've found out in life that every guy wanted a girl like me but now I'm older, not a woman like me. I've been too battered and bruised anyway, no one can handle me and seems like there is no one decent seriously considering a relationship left on the shelf anyway. Relationships are too confusing. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a reason for anyone to be together, other than for money, comfort and possibly some kids to look after you in the future. While those are obvious benefits to being in a relationship, what about those people who feel forced into being with someone because it is almost impossible in this country to earn a wage that will let you enjoy your life, buy a property etc. and also, for example, when I lived in Dubai the company I worked with would help you personally to ensure you have a place to live, someone to talk to, would help with any personal issues and give you advice on interesting things to do at the weekend, help with purchasing a car..etc etc.. while some companies in the UK are not even interested if you have any idea of plans or what you're doing in the future. For example, I have been visiting the Job Centre for about 3 years on/off since I was made redundant and I have only just recently found out through someone I have met that there is a college at the end of the road that offers free/reduced training courses for people on Job Seekers Allowance. Now why didn't the Job Centre tell me this years ago? uggghhhh life is just wrong sometimes.

You sound a pretty reasonable catch to me!

Mind you we'd be no good together by the look of your avatar your car is a twin to mine!