Porsche Enthusiasts Club Forum

I just remembered this story because of the "Aircraft fuel" joke thread here and thought some of you may see the funny side.

A few years ago, where one of my workshops was, there were other workshops nearby, and I used to meet up with some of the mechanics there at the end of the day for a cup of tea and a chat.

Anyway, at the estate of workshops there was one mechanic who was particularly disliked, he borrowed tools and never returned them, used to slag off everyone behind their backs, even tried to chat up some of the other garages girlfriends or wives... anyway.. no ones friend... We shall call him "Kevin"

Another one of the people at these get together's was a guy who exported first aid kits, specialising in ones for HGV drivers (I think they bought in a law saying HGV's needed first aid kits) we will call him "Steve"

At one of these meetins Kevin ran up to us in a panic, he claimed he had a good reason to be siphoning diesel out of a lorry (likely story) when he swallowed some, he said in a panic..

"What do I do?? Steve you know about lorrys and lorry drivers, what do they do when they accidentally drink diesel?"

Well, after we all looked at each other thinking "Accidentally drinking diesel???" Steve had great presence of mind, ran into his unit, grabbed hold of a bottle, quickly pulled off the label and ran back. He thrust it into Kevin's hand and said "Drink this, its diesel antidote!"

Kevin drank the entire bottle (about a half litre), Thanked Steve and walked off..

Steve had a wicked smile on his face, so we said to him "Diesel antidote does not exist does it Steve." He laughed... So I asked "What was really in the bottle Steve?"

Steve paused for a moment before saying... "Well, did you know that air hostesses, if you pester them too much, will go into the galley and make you a complimentary drink, but with a tiny drop of eye wash in it"

We all said "No" and asked him why they do that.

He said "Because within a short period of time you will rush off to the loo and be sat on it for the rest of the flight".

Guess what the label of the bottle read that Steve ripped off his mythical "Diesel Antidote"...

"Eyewash - 500ml"

Now, I guess we should have been more concerned about poor Kevin, but he didnt seem to be around for a few days and frankly we forgot.. However when he came back to work, he did claim to have "Diesel Poisoning" explained that he wished he had "Diesel Antidote" to hand when he first drank the diesel, and further explained that "Diesel Poisoning has you sat on the loo for days on end with a bad case of the squirts"

He also wanted to buy a bottle of "Diesel antidote" but Steve told him he was out of stock.

The moral of this story... If someone annoys you, buy them a drink and put a drop, a drip, a tiny amount of eyewash in the drink.. But not 500ml... I think we are lucky Kevin didnt turn inside out.

Hey man, I just wanted to tell you that you are a really good writer. I am a native spanish speaker and I had kind of a hard time to read your story, which I found because I accidentaly swallowed some diesel (my father bought it and I was siphoning it into our pick-up) and was looking for advices in Google what to do. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how good writer you are, and I did have a hard time trying to suscribe to this forum. If you see this, maybe you can answer so we can chat someday.

CharlyB