Porsche Enthusiasts Club Forum

I really and genuinely have full-blown swine flu. I am sweating like a rapist hiding in a tree during a heatwave, feel like my head is about to explode and ache all over as if I have just done ten rounds with Tyson. I am spending most of the day in bed as my balance is shot so walking isn’t easy. Understandably, I am perhaps not in the best of moods right now.

So when I’m in bed and the doorbell goes, it’s a bit of an effort to get downstairs to find out who it is, but I think I should go as it might be important. Having made all the effort to get out of bed, clothe myself and crawl down the stairs whilst suffering intense agonies, I’m not particularly impressed to find some slick, spivvy little thief in a loud suit with too much “hair product” standing outside wanting to sell me insurance.

“Hello, Mr Fielding” he says (How do they know my name, by the way?)

“I’m from Combined Insurance and my name is Something-or-other. How are you today?”

He holds out his hand for me to shake.

How am I today, indeed?

I take his proffered hand, squeeze it tightly, pull him closer and say to him:

“I think I’m about to f*cking die. I have swine flu and it is causing me heart palpitations, breathing difficulties, chronic nausea and there is every possibility it is terminal. It’s also unbelievably contagious. Now, would you like to come inside so we can discuss what you are selling?”

He then ripped his arm back, ran like hell back up the path and got into his car and took off.

Whether or not you actually do have swine flu, I can heartily recommend this method of getting rid of door to door salesmen and would imagine it will work equally well with political canvassers and Jehovah’s Witnesses also.

Love it - will try it myself one day.

perhaps he was selling life insurance