Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:54 pm
Posts: 927
Location: Birmingham U.K.
TIPEC membership: 3275
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Lot's to read, but all so true. 
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
19. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
20. A lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Will Rogers quotes:
1. Never kick a cow pat on a hot day.
2. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
3. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
4. Always drink upstream from the herd.
5. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
7. There are three kinds of men The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.
8. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
9. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
10. Second place is just the first loser.
Views on age :
1.Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
2. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
3. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
4. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
5. You know you are getting old when every thing either dries up or leaks.
6. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
7. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
People way smarter than me:
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."-Stephen Bishop
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."-Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."-Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"Doc, I'll be better as soon as I am able." - Rocky Raccoon
"You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need." - The Rolling Stones
"Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me" - Dave Matthews
"So much time, so little to do." - Willie Wonka
"Sometimes you are the Bud Light and sometimes you are the urinal" - Anonymous
"Rommell, you magnificent bastard, I read your book" - General Patton
"Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" - Bob Seger
"She told me to come, but I was already there" - AC/DC
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day" - Dean Martin
"Only time will tell if we stand the test of time." - Van Heyland
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PORSCHE 944 S2
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